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Lift etiquette

*activates rant mode*

Some people are lift dicks. You know the ones – they act like dicks when they are in a lift.

We’ve all been there. In a lift I mean. Probably quite often, maybe even several times a day, yet there seems to be wide misconception of what is acceptable behaviour and it’s given me the hump.

Despite all the effort you lovely people put in to do better, to be more caring, to create a positive energy and environment in your work place, there will always be ignoramuses  who come along and stamp on our parade. It’s frustrating but you know what? We can’t let them get us down and we must keep our peckers up.

With that in mind here’s a bunch of things I’ve witnessed over the last few weeks that are NOT OK. If you care about yourself and your fellow humans familiarise yourself with the list which will hopefully stop you (god forbid) from being a dick, in a lift.

  1. Ignoring someone you know – It’s one thing to do it on the tube, another to do it when outside at lunchtime, but in the lift? Really? I’m so close I can smell what you had for breakfast but you’re gonna pretend you don’t know I’m there? Jesus!

  2. Farting – Don’t even think about it. Even if you are on your own.

  3. Not holding the door. The sound of running footsteps, the call of ‘hold the doors please‘, the desperate look on the face appearing in the narrowing gap, followed by the quiet shhhhhdd of the doors closing. Naughty. Very naughty.

  4. Holding the door for too long. You’re mate was right behind you but stopped to chat to someone in the corridor. The lift comes surprisingly quickly (for once), but your mate hasn’t caught up yet. Despite other people being in the lift you put your hand on the door to stop it closing. Not once, not twice, but thrice? Do it again and I’ll break your face.

  5. Bad mouthing. Slagging off a colleague or team, or department, or the company. Er HELLO?! There are other people here. Standing in a confined space. With ears. Don’t be so flipping unprofessional.

  6. Crazy talk. The following phrases should be avoided. ‘See you later bro’,  ‘Lets touch base soon’,  ‘I want to get it on your radar.’ 

  7. Pushing. Whilst there may not be an obvious queuing system, I’m in front of the door, your not, so what gives you the right to bulldoze your way in? You do realise we work for the same company? Back off Barry.

  8. Headphones on full blast. OK so you’re one of the cool kids with the massive headphones, but I really don’t want to listen to your sick beats, so turn it down, or off, or I’m going to set fire to those headphones while you’re still wearing them.

  9. Rucksacks – When you are walking through fields and hills they belong on your back, but in a busy lift they belong at knee/ ankle height. Take it off and make more space. Your name might be Michelle, but you ain’t a tortoise.


*de-activate rant mode / activate reflection mode*

We are a strange race us humans.  So much of our lives revolve around ‘me’ and the bubble of distractions we create for ourselves with emails, social media and the internet. This causes us to occasionally lose sight of common decency and caring towards others we share our physical world with. I think that’s a shame.

This becomes more magnified and evident when lots of people are squeezed into a small space like a lift. Of course most of us don’t behave like this, and luckily not every lift has a dick in it, but if you think you see a lift dick getting in to one you’re waiting for today just step back and wait for the next one.

Have a great day.


*de-activate blogging mode*

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